Our Melodies are Memories

Essentially, my ultimate goal in this endeavor is absolutely not to feed you the saddest songs that I know over and over until you want to either hang yourself because things are hard or cut yourself because you think you're a doucher. Don't get me wrong, I have enough sad music piled up to keep you internally bleeding for the rest of your natural life, but there's so much more to music than that.
Five For Fighting has been a favorite of mine for a really long time. My brothers used to make us all be quiet in the car so that we could listen to "Superman" everytime that it came on. His lyrics are both pointed and capitvating. I'll get around to some of the deeper ones later, I'm sure, but today I chose "Slice" off the newest CD.
In this day and age, American's even hate on their own country. I've been a loyalist for as long as I can remember, and I highly doubt that will ever change. One of the biggest challenges that comes from growing up in an exceptionally predominate LDS area, is the judgements that we have for the minority in the area. Now, I'm certain that this is true for just about any religion where they're all gathered in one general area, but it bothered me for a really long time.
This song is the epitome of learning to coexist and celebrate the amazing opportunities that we have as a whole. We are a nation of beautiful people. Sure, we might be morbidly obese, but we're happy about it :).
Finally, times change. They do. You have to roll with the punches and take life as it comes. You won't always be in a position to immediately see the positive of every situation, but we're are truly blessed to live in the country that we do, have family, friends, safety, and the opportunity to grow.
I am more than just a slice of American Pie.

There was a time a long, long time ago
Chevys and levees played on the radio
No cell phones, just 20,000 lights
Swaying on a saturday night alright

Can you imagine that slice of time
Rock and roll was young
People stood in line
To hear music that played into their lives
That you could carry till the day you die

Hey man sing me a song
When we were everyone
We were more than just a slice of American Pie
Have you read my blog today?
300 million little USA's
Your doorstep is just a click away ♥
We'll get together one of these days

How can you be as nice as me?
You're not from the same slice as me
Where do we go from here my friend
Is this the way our story ends

Hey man sing me a song
When we were everyone
We were more than just a slice of American Pie

I can't stop singing along..
Can you join in... come on
Are we more than just a slice of American Pie

We're top down lovers
It's saturday night
The band's running
And it feels so right
The moon's dancing and the stars are free
I caught your heart on a summer breeze
Whatever was or what's meant to be
Our melodies are memories

.....There was a time a long, long time ago
Chevys and levees played on the radio
No cell phones, just 20,000 lights
Swaying on a saturday night alright

Hey man. sing me a song.
When we were everyone
We were more than just a slice of American Pie

I can't stop singing along
Can you join in, come on
Are we more than just a slice of American Pie
We're more than a slice
We're more than just a slice of American Pie

there's a pain in my stomach, from another sleepless binge.

If I could guarantee you one thing, it would be that there will be no shortage of Andrew McMahon in this blog. There is a shortage of talented people in this world, but fortunately we've got this guy who's talented enough to keep us going for another 156 years all by himself.
I know that this song means a lot to my friends stefanie and lauren, who are also Something Corporate enthusiasts, and after giving it (legitimately) an entire graveyard's worth of thought, I couldn't come up with anything I would rather start this experience off with.

Recently, I've been finding myself more and more frustrated with my life, and it's reckless lack of direction. I keep going home because I think that's where I want to be, and then I come back to St. George because that's where I need to be, and I don't honestly think I'm content with either place. I don't know what destination I'm in search of, but I don't think it's anywhere I've been yet.
And everytime I leave my house, it's this epically painful event because I have to say goodbye to everyone I left behind, knowing that their lives are changing just as fast as mine is. Things will never be the same. When I come home again, my sister will be prettier, my brother will be taller, and my friends will have had more epiphanies about where their lives are going. Time doesn't pause. It doesn't ask permission to continue, and no matter how still my life feels, everyone around me is changing.
But, I live in the center of a hurricane. I get up, go to school, go to work, work some more, do my homework, try to slide in every couple days to see my grandparents, and sleep only when time allows. I feel like i'm far too busy to have epiphanies. All I'm trying to do is make it out alive.
In reality, I'm just horrified of the change. Change is the worst part of coming home. It's for this reason that I can honestly say that I don't think I'll be coming back for a while. It's too hard to watch everyone that I know pack their bags,
even though I already got on the plane and left.

light breaks underneath
a heavy door
and i try to keep myself awake
fall all around us on a hotel floor
and you think that you've made a mistake
and theres a pain in my stomach
from another sleepless binge
and i struggle to get myself up again
i want to hang onto something
that wont break away or fall apart
like the pieces of my heart

and globes and maps are all around me now
i want to feel you breathe me
globes and maps i see surround you here
why wont you believe me?
globes and maps they chartered your way back home
do you want to leave or something?

dreams came around you
in a hazy rain ♥
you open your mouth wide to feel them fall
and i write a letter from a one-way train
but i dont think youll read it at all
And globes and maps are all around me now
I want to feel you breathe me
why won't you believe me
And globes and maps i see surround you here
why won't you believe me?
Globes and maps they charter your way back home
Do you want to leave or something
i cant take this anymore
i know that i cant take this anymore
i cant take this anymore
cuz i know someday ill see you walk out that door

Globes and Maps are all around me now
I want to feel you breathe me
Globes and maps i see surround you here
why won't you believe me
Globes and maps they charter your way back home
do you want to leave, do you want to leave
Globes and maps they charter your way back home
Do you want to leave or something?




 

The Breakdown

I've been sitting on this feeling for about 3 months now. But in the silence of the rest home I work in at 4 o'clock in the morning, the walls start to talk. I think I've spent the vast majority of my short life taking care of everyone else. I don't remember the last time I felt comfortable enough with my life to have a serious self-evaluating experience.

Needless to say, I think I legitimately felt my life explode while I was back home (in American Fork) this weekend. I never realized exactly how many monsters I had to fight off until I looked in the closet and under the bed. Sweeping everything that has ever hurt me under the rug doesn't make it go away. It just makes a hell of a pile to clean up later.

So essentially, at 4 o'clock in the morning, I'm staring down a blurry future, and let me tell you, it's epically frustrating to have a staring contest with someone who keeps blinking. I'm not sure my future even knows how to play this game.

All I know at this moment in time is that music is everything to me. So, I think it's time. It's gonna be a crazy ride, but we'll see where it takes us. I have a feeling that it can't be any worse than where I'm at right now.

My declaration is as follows:

I, McCall Gundersen, am going to go on a solo journey. The first solo journey I think I've ever been on. I'm going to start with nothing, and rebuild from the foundations. I'm gonna sing myself to sleep at night. I'm going to publically take out the ghosts that have been haunting me for longer than I care to say.

What I'm trying to say is,

I'm going to fix myself.
With music :)