There's a reason that we live so far from Hollywood.

I was driving home from St. George (for the summer) when this song came on my Iphone. I have so much music on there that I haven't even heard some of it yet, but it struck me so hard that I had to play it again. I swear sometimes these people write songs just for me.

Nobody really knows what's in store for them. Things change in the blink of an eye, but do people really change? I don't really know the answer. Probably never will. It's just a really empowering thing to realize that you are the one that gets to write your future. People may influence you as they walk in and out of your life, but at the end of the day nobody else has the power to make you go any direction that you don't choose. This is the only life that you have. There's only one story that you get to write.

Make it worth reading.

At 17 she left Long Island
bound for Hollywood
Another story like the ones
you've heard before
He left her broken like you figured, 

like you knew he would
She shut her heart after his
ring rang off the door

It's the story of your life
you're tearing out the page
New chapter underway
The story of your life
You live it everyday
You can run, you run
But you won't get away
I don't know what's coming up
Where will you go now?
it's the story of your life

She hit the ground
She built a fine career
Every weekend walked her
dog beside the sea
In the salt she met a man who
knew at once but wait
Is he the one we need him to be?

In the story your life
you're moving down the page
As the words begin to change
The story of your life
You live it everyday
You can run, you run
But you won't get away
I don't know what's coming up
Where will you go now
it's the story of your life

Look around look around and
the world will find you
 

there's a reason that we live
so far from Hollywood
In the country looking hard to find a home
We're nothing perfect
All considered
But we're so damn good

It's the story of your life
you're moving down the page
And you know you're on your way
The story of your life
You live it everyday
You can run, you run
But you won't get away
No one knows what's coming up
Where will you go now
it's the story
it's your story
....it's the story of your life :]

i'm working overtime, i'm gonna make it anyway.

I've spent the last month and a half hiding inside of myself. 

It's not the easiest thing to explain, but for the sake of this blog, I'm going to try. 

I recognized for the first time how much my life has been an amplification of everyone else's life. I can't remember the last time that my life was about me, sincerely. Maybe it shouldn't be about me. Everyone always says that you find yourself when you lose yourself in the service of others, right? Recently, I've been wondering just what the cost of that "service" might have been.

As many of you know, I didn't finish out the spring semester at Dixie. I found myself overwhelmed be countless circumstances and simply couldn't make myself do it. It's hilarious to me how many repercussions I've received from people I hardly know in regards to that singular decision.
Then I decided that I was moving home, without a shadow of a doubt as soon as I could manage it. I spent retarded amounts of money driving from St. George to American Fork atleast once every two weeks. It started out for the boy, and ended up for the family.

Family is the only thing in life that has any degree of permanence. Did you know that? I do, now. I've spent so much time thinking about my family and wishing that I was a bigger part of it than I can be from such a distance. 

Anyway, the point that I'm trying to reach is that sometimes you have to make a decision based solely on your own best interests. I've spent so much time thinking about things that are past. So much time dwelling on a boy that I haven't seen in almost a year. So much time trying to find someone to replace him. So much time trying tot fill a gap.

I think that it's time for me to spend some time doing something for me. Right now, I know that all that I want in the world is to spend some time with my family, and after that? I'll go where I want to go. Honestly, I think California is calling. Either way I think it's time to stick with whatever decision that I make.

This song embodies every conclusion that I've drawn in the last segment of my life. 

This is my justification in a change of path.

I'm tired of living with a hole in my heart. 

Shot in the Dark - Augustana

I had a reason for the life that was ahead of me

I had a reason, had a rhyme, had a destiny

I thought i knew where was heading

I would never look back

I had it all and then i went and let it slip away

I'm working overtime, I'm gonna make it anyway.

Sometimes you win, Sometimes you lose

Sometimes you never get her back

Rising up slowly, we're getting higher

I've been living with a hole in my heart

Weighing down on me, but I'm a fighter

Darlin' I've still got a shot in the dark

Baby, we've still got a shot in the dark

Sometimes in life you need the people that you think you trust.

Wake up one day to find that everything had turned to dust.

I always knew that you'd be waiting for me when I got back.

Keep rising up slowly and getting higher.

I been living with a hole in my heart

Weighing down on me, but I'm a fighter

Darlin' I've still got a shot in the dark

Baby, we've still got a shot in the dark

I'm gonna find a way

I'm gonna find a way

I'm gonna find a way

I have a reason for the life that's right in front of me

I've got a rhyme, got a reason, got a destiny

I know exactly where I'm headed

And I'm never looking back

Cause nothing's holding me back

Nope, nothing's holding me back...

...from rising up slowly and getting higher.

I've been living with a hole in my heart

Weighing down on me, but I'm a fighter

Darlin' I've still got a shot in the dark

Rising up slowly and getting higher.

I've been living with a hole in my heart

Weighing down on me, man but I'm a fighter

Darlin' I've still got a shot in the dark

Baby, we've still got a shot in the dark

I know that I've still got a shot.