i'm working overtime, i'm gonna make it anyway.

I've spent the last month and a half hiding inside of myself. 

It's not the easiest thing to explain, but for the sake of this blog, I'm going to try. 

I recognized for the first time how much my life has been an amplification of everyone else's life. I can't remember the last time that my life was about me, sincerely. Maybe it shouldn't be about me. Everyone always says that you find yourself when you lose yourself in the service of others, right? Recently, I've been wondering just what the cost of that "service" might have been.

As many of you know, I didn't finish out the spring semester at Dixie. I found myself overwhelmed be countless circumstances and simply couldn't make myself do it. It's hilarious to me how many repercussions I've received from people I hardly know in regards to that singular decision.
Then I decided that I was moving home, without a shadow of a doubt as soon as I could manage it. I spent retarded amounts of money driving from St. George to American Fork atleast once every two weeks. It started out for the boy, and ended up for the family.

Family is the only thing in life that has any degree of permanence. Did you know that? I do, now. I've spent so much time thinking about my family and wishing that I was a bigger part of it than I can be from such a distance. 

Anyway, the point that I'm trying to reach is that sometimes you have to make a decision based solely on your own best interests. I've spent so much time thinking about things that are past. So much time dwelling on a boy that I haven't seen in almost a year. So much time trying to find someone to replace him. So much time trying tot fill a gap.

I think that it's time for me to spend some time doing something for me. Right now, I know that all that I want in the world is to spend some time with my family, and after that? I'll go where I want to go. Honestly, I think California is calling. Either way I think it's time to stick with whatever decision that I make.

This song embodies every conclusion that I've drawn in the last segment of my life. 

This is my justification in a change of path.

I'm tired of living with a hole in my heart. 

Shot in the Dark - Augustana

I had a reason for the life that was ahead of me

I had a reason, had a rhyme, had a destiny

I thought i knew where was heading

I would never look back

I had it all and then i went and let it slip away

I'm working overtime, I'm gonna make it anyway.

Sometimes you win, Sometimes you lose

Sometimes you never get her back

Rising up slowly, we're getting higher

I've been living with a hole in my heart

Weighing down on me, but I'm a fighter

Darlin' I've still got a shot in the dark

Baby, we've still got a shot in the dark

Sometimes in life you need the people that you think you trust.

Wake up one day to find that everything had turned to dust.

I always knew that you'd be waiting for me when I got back.

Keep rising up slowly and getting higher.

I been living with a hole in my heart

Weighing down on me, but I'm a fighter

Darlin' I've still got a shot in the dark

Baby, we've still got a shot in the dark

I'm gonna find a way

I'm gonna find a way

I'm gonna find a way

I have a reason for the life that's right in front of me

I've got a rhyme, got a reason, got a destiny

I know exactly where I'm headed

And I'm never looking back

Cause nothing's holding me back

Nope, nothing's holding me back...

...from rising up slowly and getting higher.

I've been living with a hole in my heart

Weighing down on me, but I'm a fighter

Darlin' I've still got a shot in the dark

Rising up slowly and getting higher.

I've been living with a hole in my heart

Weighing down on me, man but I'm a fighter

Darlin' I've still got a shot in the dark

Baby, we've still got a shot in the dark

I know that I've still got a shot.