The Breakdown

I've been sitting on this feeling for about 3 months now. But in the silence of the rest home I work in at 4 o'clock in the morning, the walls start to talk. I think I've spent the vast majority of my short life taking care of everyone else. I don't remember the last time I felt comfortable enough with my life to have a serious self-evaluating experience.

Needless to say, I think I legitimately felt my life explode while I was back home (in American Fork) this weekend. I never realized exactly how many monsters I had to fight off until I looked in the closet and under the bed. Sweeping everything that has ever hurt me under the rug doesn't make it go away. It just makes a hell of a pile to clean up later.

So essentially, at 4 o'clock in the morning, I'm staring down a blurry future, and let me tell you, it's epically frustrating to have a staring contest with someone who keeps blinking. I'm not sure my future even knows how to play this game.

All I know at this moment in time is that music is everything to me. So, I think it's time. It's gonna be a crazy ride, but we'll see where it takes us. I have a feeling that it can't be any worse than where I'm at right now.

My declaration is as follows:

I, McCall Gundersen, am going to go on a solo journey. The first solo journey I think I've ever been on. I'm going to start with nothing, and rebuild from the foundations. I'm gonna sing myself to sleep at night. I'm going to publically take out the ghosts that have been haunting me for longer than I care to say.

What I'm trying to say is,

I'm going to fix myself.
With music :)