I am neurotic planner. I felt as if that should be thrown out in the open, although I'm certain that anybody who has spent more than an hour with me since I was 12 could tell you that all by themselves.
For some reason, I feel like if I don't have everything set in stone now, it's never going to happen. I like to know what I'm wearing the next day before I go to bed, my calendar is probably the most intricate thing you've ever seen in your life, I can't sleep if there are dishes in the sink, etc.
The problem with this is that I find myself getting more and more irritated about the parts of my life I can't plan. When am I going to get married? Who will I marry? When am I gonna die? (PS, you know that survey that tells you that when people were asked if they could know exactly what day and time they were going to die, 98% said no? Say hello to the other 2%, her name is mccall).
I'm such a micro-organizer, I get frustrated by even the tiniest things in my life that are out of my control. I think I'd be a terrible god, because I'd make all my children stand in lines from shortest to tallest, boys one one side, girls on the other, hand them weeee little schedules for the rest of their lives, and then make sure they did everything I told them to in a timely fashion. Mrs. Vontrapp? Yes, that's me.
However, I realized something last night. We're all okay. At the end of the day, we're not in charge. HE is, and if we let jesus take the wheel (so to speak) everything will be alright.
Five Years Time is perhaps the most fantastic way to describe the act of loving someone with all your heart in the most beautiful way. Today. You might not like eachother tomorrow. You might end up married with a car full of kids who's names all start with the same letter (a small car, in my case, please). But the point is, you have to take every day for what it is, and regardless of the outcome, you'll make it, and you'll be the better for the struggles that you went through to get where you are.
People live separate lives. If my mom and dad were together every second of everyday, they'd kill eachother. There's a line from an augustana song that I like that says
"two spinning spheres, we spin together, and we spin alone."
because nobody is going to be in sync with you every moment for the rest of your natural lives. You have to work, and fight, and run out, and run back in. You have to apologize, beg for forgiveness, sleep in separate beds, break up, move on, find someone else. That's life.
Sometimes you have accept your stupid past, the reckless things that you did, and enjoy the person that you are today, and the people helped you grow along the way.
Take what you have today, and enjoy it, and build on it, and if it's supposed to last?
It will.
five years time
Oh well in five years time we could be walking round a zoo
With the sun shining down over me and you
And there'll be love in the bodies of the elephants too
And I'll put my hands over your eyes,
but you'll peekthrough
And there'll be sun sun sun
All over our bodies
And sun sun sun
All down our necks
And sun sun sun
All over our faces
And sun sun sun
So what the heck
'Cause I'll be laughing at all your silly little jokes
And we'll be laughing about how we used to smoke
All those stupid little cigarettes
And drink stupid wine
'Cause it's what we needed to have a good time
And it was fun fun fun
When we were drinking
It was fun fun fun
When we were drunk
And it was fun fun fun
When we were laughing
It was fun fun fun
Oh it was fun
Oh well I look at you and say
It's the happiest that I've ever been
And I'll say I no longer feel I have to be James Dean
And she'll say
Yah well I feel all pretty happy too
And I'm always pretty happy when I'm just kicking back with you
And it'll be
Love love love
All through our bodies
And love love love
All through our minds
And it be Love love love
All over her face
And Love love love
All over mine
Although maybe all these moments are just in my head
I'll be thinking ‘bout them as I'm lying in bed
And I know immediately that it might not even come true
But in my mind I'm havin' a pretty good time with you
Oh
Five years time
I might not know you
Five years time
We might not speak
Oh
In five years time
We might not get along
In five years time
You might just prove me wrong
Oh there'll be love love love
Wherever you go
There'll be love love love
Wherever you go
Wherever you go there'll be love
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